


You don't have to say I love you, to say I love you

by tinygaymoonfae



Series: Fire and the Flood [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Crushes, Dex is confused about everything, Dex needs to love himself, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Other, They'll figure it out eventually, first kisses that do not go according to plan, implied demi dex, like rock bottom self esteem, nby dex, nby nursey, nonbinary chracter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9247082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinygaymoonfae/pseuds/tinygaymoonfae
Summary: After their Big Talk, Nursey and Dex have become friends. Which is all well and good until Dex realizes he has a crush on Nursey.  That crush could never be requited, could it?





	

            For the first time in his life, William Poindexter hated having to work over the summer.  He’d never particularly loved it, but he had a stubborn pride about working hard that made him at least begrudgingly like it. 

            Now, though, things were different.  He was eternally pissed that cell service was cut off when he got on the boat.  Every morning he was reluctant to leave the house because it’d mean hours upon hours out of contact.  It hadn’t mattered last summer, but then again he didn’t have Nursey last summer either.

            His phone rang, making him jump.  Quickly, he checked his hair, made sure he looked somewhat presentable, and answered the video call.

            “Poindexter why is summer so goddamn long,” Nursey said.  Dex felt his heart break.  He knew Nursey spent most of the summer home alone.

            “I don’t know ba—it just is.”  That was the fifth time this week Dex had almost called Nursey a pet name.  They weren’t Ransom and Holster, he couldn’t play it off as a normal friend thing. 

            “ _‘I could not bring my passions from a common spring— from the same source I have not taken my sorrow—I could not awaken my heart to joy at the same tone’—_ ”

            “Okay, Nurse, we get it, you’re a poet.”  When they’d first met, Dex could hardly stand the randomly spouted poetry, but now he loved it beyond all measure.  He wanted to say that, wanted to casually remark that he could listen to Nursey read the phonebook and think it was beautiful.  But of course, he couldn’t do that without making his secret painfully obvious.  If it wasn’t already.

            “Oh!  Speaking of which, I wrote a new poem today.  Do you want to hear it?”  Nursey’s eyes shone bright and he smiled so big that Dex couldn’t find it in his heart to say no, even if he’d wanted to.

            “Sure thing!”

***

            “You like him,” Katie said later that night.  The two of them were cleaning up after dinner, and had been doing so in companionable silence.

            “Of course I do, kit-kat, he’s my friend.”  Dex felt blush rising to his cheeks but tried to ignore it.  He loved his sister, but she was far too perceptive for a sixteen year old.

            “That’s not what I mean and you know it Will.  Come on, I’ve heard you two talking and I’m not stupid.  You like this guy.”

            “Derek isn’t a guy, Katie, he’s--”

            “Nonbinary, sorry.  Don’t know how I forgot, it’s not like you talk about him all the time,” she retorted.

            “So what if I do, it doesn’t mean I’ve got feelings for him.”  Dex moved to put the plates in the dishwasher when Katie grabbed his arm.

            “You don’t have to lie to me, Will, I, listen, do what you want, I won’t judge you, but please don’t be too afraid to take a chance.  Mom and Dad won’t care that you’re not straight if that’s what you’re worried about.”

            “That’s not it, Katie, okay?”  Dex paused, gathering his thoughts to explain himself.  “I don’t do these kinds of things, you know that.  Fuck, I didn’t think I could feel this way until a couple of months ago.  Do you have any idea how confusing this is for me?  I don’t understand what’s going on and I’m not going to ruin the only friendship I have because of some crush.”    

            She let go of his arm and he walked to the door, determined to go to bed and forget this whole day.

            “What if not saying anything is what messes it up?”  Katie says.  Dex didn’t reply.

           

***

 

             A few weeks later Dex headed back to school.  He’d never been so happy about higher education in his life, despite Katie’s words replaying in his mind the entire drive.  So what if he had a crush?  It wasn’t going anywhere, and telling Nursey would only make things tense.  True, Nursey wasn’t exactly straight himself.  When Dex had learned that, he had felt himself hope--until he saw pictures of Nursey’s ex partners.  All beautiful, graceful people that looked more like statues than real human beings.  Next to them, all of Dex’s flaws were even more obvious. 

            It was clear that they weren’t meant to be, and Dex was honestly okay with that.  He just wanted Nursey in his life.  A part of him realized that he was so far gone on Nursey it was ridiculous.  But he refused to dwell on the subject.   

            After the first practice of the semester, Dex forced himself to shower and get dressed in record time.  It had always been awkward for him but now it was…extra awkward, because he was acutely aware of Nursey, and try as he might, he didn’t have much control over how his body reacted to his presence.  Just as he was about to leave, Nursey spoke.

           “Poindexter, it’s so fucking good to get back on the ice with you!”  He pulled him into a tight hug and Dex awkwardly put his hands on Nursey’s bare back.  Oh, shit this was such a bad idea why did Nursey have to do this to him.   


           “I um…yeah…you too bro,” Dex hoped Nursey wouldn’t notice the slight tremor in his voice. 

           “Do you have anything else to do today?  I really missed you.”  If Dex didn’t know better, he’d think Nursey was blushing.

           “Yes…”  Dex replied a second too quickly.  “I mean, no I don’t.  I’d love to hang out.  I missed you too.”

 

***

            Dex and Nursey settled into somewhat of a routine, spending an increasing number of hours together as the semester wore on.  Each moment with him felt like a blessing, but it left Dex feeling guilty.  Nursey deserved someone better to spend his time with.  How Dex had gotten lucky enough to be his friend was beyond him.  Maybe it was pity, or an attempt at team comradery,   but whatever it was Dex wasn’t going to question it too much.

            Today they’d decided to meet for coffee.  Dex ordered while Nursey grabbed a booth—the one that they shared every Sunday.  Dex didn’t even have to ask what Nursey wanted to drink anymore, having pathetically memorized his food preferences months ago. 

            “Thanks Dex,” Nursey mumbled, still half asleep.  He’d never admit it, but there was something about Nursey when he was tired that made Dex’s heart ache.  He cared less about appearance and being chill, and was more inclined to lean on Dex’s shoulder for support. 

            Taking a sip of coffee (if it could be called that, it was like 90% creamer) Nursey did exactly that.  With his head resting comfortably on his shoulder, Dex knew they must look like a couple.

            “Dex, are you straight?”  Nursey whispered, catching Dex off guard.

            “I don’t really know what I am honestly.  I’ve only ever liked one person.”  Shut up Dex, don’t say that, what if he asks?

            “Oh, cool, cool.  That makes sense actually; you never seem too interested in anyone.”

            “Yeah.”  Maybe Nursey would drop it now that he had an answer?

            “So,”---- --of course he wouldn’t, “who’s this one person you’ve had feelings for?  They must have been pretty amazing.”

            “It’s, um, kind of a ‘currently happening’ thing, actually.  I don’t want to talk about it if that’s okay?  I already know it’s pointless, so I’m trying to get over it.”

             After a few minutes, Nursey spoke again.  “How do you know it’s pointless?”     

            “Because, I mean…it’s me?  No one in their right mind would want me.”

            “Dex, come on, be serious.”

            “I am being serious Nurse.”  He cleared his throat, “Can we change the subject?”

            Nursey sat up and grabbed Dex’s face so they were eye to eye.

            “No we can’t.  Will, you’re incredible!  I’m sure they…they’d love to be with you if you gave them a chance!”

            Dex was silent.  He wanted to reply, but God was he distracted by how close they were.  Nursey’s hands felt warm, strong, holding him gently but firm. 

            The unexpected touch and his drowsiness were just enough to lower his guard.

            Just enough to override the months of trying to ignore his feelings.

            Just enough to push him over the edge.

            Without realizing what he was doing, Dex leaned forward and kissed Nursey.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again a big thanks to my beta, check her out on tumblr @the_z_part. She's a doll and I don't know what I would do without her. 
> 
> Nursey is quoting from "Alone" by Edgar Allan Poe because he's the most extra person to ever exist.
> 
> Sorry to leave ya'll on a cliffhanger, I didn't intend for that to happen but these characters just got away from me.
> 
> \---  
> Title is from "For Him" by Troye Sivan


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